Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
