watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
