I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
