Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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