after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
