I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
