This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
