You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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