I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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