Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
