So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
