How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
