I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
