we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
