A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
