I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
