I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
