Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
