im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
