So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
