no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
The adults are the big ones right?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize