dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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