She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
