Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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