I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
