What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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