Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
