i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
