He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
