She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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