so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
