i permit you to call me
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
