I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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