So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize