I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
