just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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