remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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