We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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