you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
