What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
