first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
