I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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