So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
