I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize