i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
