I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I will die if light touches me.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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