i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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