Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
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