biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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