saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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