Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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