i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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