help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
