Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize