My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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