I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
