the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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