I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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