I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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