bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I am one with the molecules
Randomize
