wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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