how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
