I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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