At least make sure they are 18
Why
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
