Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize