But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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